Child’s play: comedy with Sam Avery

Round & About

Guildford

Sam Avery will tackle parenthood at Aldershot’s West End Centre on Thursday, 28th February. Peter Anderson quizzes him on how he devised the show.

Parenthood is a crafty beast. The second you master something, it changes the game, so you are rubbish at it again. So says stand-up comedian, viral blogger and best-selling author Sam Avery (aka The Learner Parent) and he brings his tales of twin toddler tantrums, and the sleep-deprived route from first-time parenthood that got him there, to Aldershot this month.

As to how Sam discovered his love for comedy, we have to go back to his own childhood and of course the paper round. “I always liked comedy and making people laugh as a child. When others were doing their paper round listening to the pop songs of the day, I was listening to comedians like Ben Elton.

“I was shy when I first started, I was 25, the first gig was rough, then the next two were good, I thought I was getting the idea then I bombed again.

“Afterwards, one of the more experienced comedians came up and said – don’t worry it’ll probably take you five years to get the hang of it”.

So, who was his inspiration? “My family definitely, all of them are funny. But then probably Richard Pryor; I saved up about £90 I think for a CD box set of his career, from when he was starting out very much in the Bill Cosby mould to when he had created an identity of his own.”

What can audiences expect from Sam’s show? He tells me it was a kind of pseudo-sequel to the book, covering the twins so far. It’s an old chestnut but I wondered if he had struggled to tell them apart? Initially he had been saved the embarrassment, as he tells me…

“When they were born it was actually easy because one of them had to have an operation so had pipes and then a scar. Now they are three years old and most of the time I can get it right, but if I get it wrong, they happily correct me.”

Was writing the blog something that helped him through the lows of that first stint of parenthood?

“I really did find it useful because through doing it not only was I able to pick up good advice, but it helped me realise I wasn’t the only person going through these things.

“Perhaps what was the nicest thing was that some people rather than giving advice were getting the same strength and support that I got, and they said it was really useful for them.”

  For your chance to hear Sam’s tales of bringing up the twins, he is at the West End Centre on Thursday, 28th February. For details visit www.hampshire culturaltrust.org.uk/west-end-centre

Grape expectations: Albury Vineyard

Round & About

Guildford

Enjoy a wine time at Albury Vineyard and take a bit of the vine home with you.

If your passion for wine goes beyond just enjoying a glass or two then how about taking a bit of a vineyard home with you?

Albury Vineyard in the beautiful Surrey Hills produces organic English wines without the use of chemicals under the watchful eye of owner Nick Wenman and vineyard manager Alex.

Join Alex, one of the few female vineyard managers in England, for an informative and insightful pruning demonstration on Saturday, 16th February, have a go yourself and then take a bit of Albury Vineyard home with you in the form of a vine cutting and who knows where that could lead…

Find out about what goes into planting and maintaining a vine to produce the perfect wine such as the still rosé and the sparkling whites at Albury. The vines are the traditional Champagne varietals of Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier, as well as some Pinot Gris and Seyval.

Nick planted the vineyard in 2009 having retired from the IT industry to fulfil his dream of owning a vineyard and believes the commitment to organic production together with the winemakers themselves are the key to their success.

The vineyard is situated on the southern slopes of the North Downs, just outside Guildford.

Tickets include a glass of Albury Estate Sparkling Wine to enjoy after the demonstration.

For more information about the vineyard go to www.alburyvineyard.com and to book tickets go to www.eventbrite.com

Mixing it up! Improv comedy

Round & About

Guildford

Expect to be involved in the show in the latest improv offering from The Noise Next Door.

Lightning-quick wit and comedic talent have helped improv troupe The Noise Next Door take the comedy world by storm.

They have sold out the Edinburgh Fringe 11 times with their distinctive brand of off-the-cuff comedy which the foursome have been performing together since meeting at university.

The boys – Charlie Granville, Tom Livingstone, Sam Pacelli and Robin Hatcher – are back with a new full-length adult show, The Noise Next Door – Remix and you can find out what all the fuss and noise is about for yourself when they bring it to Farnham Maltings on Friday, 8th February.

If you’re going along be prepared to be part of the show – the guys take audience suggestions and transform them into funny scenes and songs in the blink of an eye with a combination of characters, one liners, epic stories and ‘explosive physicality’.

They have appeared on numerous TV shows and alongside established British comedy names such as Michael McIntrye, Al Murray and Harry Hill. But their appearances don’t stop there, as they’ve also played to the British armed forces, secondary school students (a tough crowd) and even on stage at Download heavy metal festival.

They have been described as ‘comedy gold’ and as offering ‘a superior kind of chaos’. Remix will see them at their most creative yet with this new cutting edge and hilarious show.

  To book go to www.farnhammaltings.com but if you miss them there or had such a good time you want to go again, they’re at Cranleigh Arts Centre on 15th March.

Chocalicious! Woking festival

Round & About

Guildford

Now the festive season is a memory, cheer-up treats are needed and what could be better than The Fantastical Chocolate Festival in Woking?

Chocolate… nothing more needs to be said to get your attention, who doesn’t love it? So all chocaholics listen up…

Woking’s H G Wells Centre is hosting The Fantastical Chocolate Festival to get the month off to a delicious start.

Kids of all ages can enjoy a day of delectable confectionery, sing-along live music, chocolatiers, tasty treats and Willy Wonka-inspired characters to keep you entertained all day.

An array of chocolate and confectionery goodness is on offer with everything from chocolate fountains and fondues to artisan traders and tasting experiences. If you decide you have perhaps overdone the chocolate, then how about candyfloss flowers, candy apple stalls and ice cream to dive into..?

You can also enjoy artisan hot chocolate to keep you warm and if you fancy something stronger, how about chocolate vodka, wine, gin and beer for the “bigger” kids?

Younger members of the family can even enjoy playing with the stuff – how lucky are they? – as well as having a go at decorating an egg and getting creative at the arts and crafts station.

Included with your ticket price are a cotton chocolate festival bag to collect your goodies, a festival mug and a sweet or savoury skewer for dipping in the fountains.

This feast of chocolate is on Saturday, 9th February, 11.30am to 8pm.

  For more details and ticket prices email [email protected]

Purls of wisdom: unravel knitting festival

Round & About

Guildford

Farnham Maltings will once again host unravel… a festival of knitting, between Friday, 22nd and Sunday, 24th February.

“It’s amazing to see the community of knitters, crochet and craft enthusiasts of all ages and backgrounds return year after year to celebrate their love of yarn,” says festival organiser Gemma Curtis. “Whether you’re new to knitting and crochet or have years of experience, there is something for everyone.”

Since its launch in 2009, unravel… a festival of knitting has become one of the leading independent events, with yarn enthusiasts visiting from across the country and around the world.

The hub of the festival, unravel’s marketplace, allows visitors to buy products from more than 70 quality exhibitors from across the UK and Europe. Exhibitors include locally based The Little Grey Sheep and international vendors including Dye Dye Done from Poland, Fine Fish Yarn from Belfast and Lanivendole from Genova as well returning favourites and some new to the show for 2019.

As ever, unravel is offering expert-led workshops and talks on a range of disciplines. Classes include a mystical lantern class by crochet expert Jane Crowfoot, international tutor Kate Atherley introducing participants to the skills of glove-making and renowned knitwear design Alison Ellen leading an Entralec skills class.

Running throughout the whole Maltings building, visitors can enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of the show in this unique setting.

• Tickets £8 in advance / £10 on the door and workshops can be booked in advance and include the price of same day entry.

  Call 01252 745 444 or visit www.farnhammaltings.com

Big society: Surrey novelist

Round & About

Guildford

Shamley Green pilot-turned-author Heather Lanfermeijer explains more about how her experiences of motherhood led her to write her debut novel The Society Game.

My daughter suffered the onset of the “terrible twos” before she was one. Although, perhaps a better way of putting it is: I suffered my daughter’s terrible twos earlier than I expected.

To remedy this my mother suggested I take up knitting, my friends suggested I take up drinking. I don’t have the patience for knitting and I’m too vain to drink the amount of calorific wine needed to drown out tantrums. Instead I vented my frustration on paper on the odd occasion when my beloved was quiet.

Writing down my bugbears about exploding dirty nappies, supermarket screaming and continual sterilising of baby bottles was cathartic and helped me face another day and another tantrum. These baby annoyances merged into writing about other daily grievances; dog walkers’ inability to pick up their dog’s mess, the bollards my car keeps backing into (I swear they weren’t there when I got in the car). From there, my frustrations morphed into things that really irritate me about aspects of our society and thus began my book.

I used to live in an area along the A3 full of million-pound mock-Georgian houses with new supercars on display in the driveways. To my jealous eye, the women who lived here enjoyed blissful, carefree days with only the odd First World problem to bother them, such as: “the cleaner has dusted my pictures and left them wonky and I now have to straighten them before I go out!” (genuine conversation!). Over the years, I noticed a pattern emerging: between the ages of 30 and 40 these beautiful ladies seemed to me to spend their days in coffee shops with their baby (always) asleep in the pram. From 40 to 50 there were no children only coffee but they looked strangely younger than their previous 30-something self. By 50, the Botox and fillers left these women with a mannequin face I could no longer relate to. And sadly, coffee is replaced with Prosecco from wine bars as they fight to find husband number two (or three).

Possibly a cruel summation but it occurred to me that our society favours a beautiful façade over a happy marriage. So, the social defect explored in Olivia, is about our generation’s obsession with how we look as we are led to believe success is not just about keeping up with the Joneses but now keeping up with the Kardashians.

Olivia is based around true stories collected over the years from friends’ tales, stranger tales and pub tales. The book is moulded into one story based on my perception of our society. For those intrigued then maybe check out my website www.thesocietygame.com. I write a weekly blog including excerpts from this and future books where I invite debate as I assume some may disagree with my view but that’s OK; art is just another person’s perspective on life and Olivia is my art.

  The Society Game, by H. Lanfermeijer, is out now.

Where’s Santa?

Round & About

Guildford

Father Christmas is very busy this month finding out who’s been naughty or nice! Here’s where you can catch him (remember, he’s magic so can be in lots of places at once!)

Saint Nicholas, AKA Santa, will be in his own sitting room at Hatchlands Park near East Clandon on the first, second and fourth weekends of December, 11am-3.30pm. £5 per visit per child, including a present. On the third weekend, Mrs Christmas will fill his boots! For further information visit www.nationaltrust.org.uk/hatchlands-park

At Denbies Wine Estate near Dorking, children can take a train ride to see Santa and his elves in his cellar and receive a present and sticker book. £8.25 per child, no lower age limit. For £3, adults can join them on the train to much mince pies and browse craft goodies. www.denbies.co.uk

He will visit Haslemere Museum on Sunday, 2nd December, between 11am and 3pm as part of Haslemere Christmas Market. Little ones can tell him their wishes and receive a present for £3. He will return from Thursday 20th to Christmas Eve morning to chill in his Victorian parlour. £4 per child; visit www.haslemeremuseum.co.uk.

Over at Birdworld you can meet Santa’s reindeer and some of their friendly farm animals before you enter a magical world full of animated characters in winter wonderland settings. As you walk through the different scenes, enjoy friendly banter with the impish elves and meet Santa to claim your present! For full information and prices please visit www.birdworld.co.uk/christmas

On certain days in December, Santa has instructed his elves to teach children some of their magic with fun craft workshops at Painshill Park near Cobham (with a present and a note from Santa at the end). £8.50 per child, suitable for children aged between two and eight and two adults can go with them for free. Visit www.painshill.co.uk

Over the first two weekends in December, you can go on a Santa hunt on the Swingbridge broadbeam boat for a gentle family cruise along the River Wey. The boat will depart from Millmead Island, looking for clues along the towpath while you enjoy mince pies and mulled wine before Santa hops on board with his sack of gifts for the return journey. It costs £10 for each under-16, £10 for an adult with a child and £35 for a family (two adults and two children). Search for Swingbridge Santa Cruises on Facebook or call 01483 444334.

Other family-friendly Christmas highlights include carols, songs & readings at Hatchlands Park on Sunday, 16th December, at 12pm & 2pm. There is also the Lost in a Book Georgian Christmas trail, daily between Saturday, 1st December and Sunday, 6th January, 10am-4pm when you can enjoy the trail through the parkland and follow the Boscawen family as they discover the story of Gulliver’s Travels. Call 01483 444334 or visit www.nationaltrust.org.uk/hatchlands-park

Carols for Clandon will warm the family cockles at Holy Trinity Church in Guildford on Tuesday, 18th December, from 7.30pm. The Oxford Singers will deliver carols and readings to support Clandon Park. Adults £12, child £9; call 01483 444334 or visit www.nationaltrust.org.uk/clandon-park

A cut above: best Christmas roasts

Round & About

Guildford

Turkey is a traditional favourite but there are so many choices of meat when it comes to the festive table, and many excellent local producers

What scene depicts Christmas more traditionally than a large cooked bird being brought out to the table and carved by the head of the household?

Turkey is, of course, still the popular festive choice. Tom Copas Jnr says: “Turkey is what you’re meant to have! We’ve been rearing the best turkeys in Britain for over 60 years and nothing tastes better on Christmas Day, especially knowing all the care and attention that’s gone into their welfare.” Visit www.copasturkeys.co.uk

For minimal stress, it’s important to plan your Christmas catering about now in the manner of a military operation. Ideally, place your order by 1st December and remember your butcher can help decide how big your roast needs be. As a rule of thumb, a 10lb turkey will feed between eight and 10 people and still give you leftovers. Tell your butcher not only how many guests you have, but how big an appetite they have to judge wisely.

“Talking to our customers, it’s become clear that many are looking for something a little different from the traditional turkey this year and we’re very pleased to oblige,” says Calumn Connelly of The Hungry Guest Butchers in Petworth. “The Goodwood rib of beef roast, or venison from the Merryworth Estate are delicious alternatives, looking wonderful as they’re served, and offering a glimpse back to older English traditions. There are, of course, many for whom turkey remains the centrepiece of the Christmas table; and alongside an offering of the finest whole birds, there’s the option of rolled turkey which is easier to prepare and serve, or a memorable three-bird roast. The Creedy Carver chickens and ducks used for these also make perfect alternatives for smaller households; and our homemade pigs in blankets will complement your meal, whichever roast you prefer!” Visit www.thehungryguest.com

Recipe queen Lyn Deveson says: “I’ve always cooked turkey and a gammon; cold turkey, ham, turkey curried, stir fried, in sandwiches is a big part of the appeal. But I cooked a cockerel last Christmas and won’t go back to turkey – it has more flavour. I remember my mother cooking the turkey all night on a low heat but the French way is best; higher heat and less time. People complain it can be dry but if cooked properly, it isn’t. Good gravy makes all the difference, too!

“I also remember my mother cooking the turkey all night on a low heat, but the French way is best – higher heat and less time. People complain it can be dry but if cooked properly, it isn’t. Traditionally we cook turkey, stuffing, bread sauce, sausages wrapped in bacon etc. with the head male at the top of the table, carving! That’s the  picture we all have in our heads and everyone wearing paper hats and pulling crackers! Because turkey meat can be quite bland, you can go to town with the other flavours. A good gravy makes the difference and thanks to chefs such as Jamie Oliver, we are learning that Bisto is not the essential ingredient but I am shocked by the number of English who still use it! The trouble is we are so spoilt nowadays and can eat anything any time of the year, so Christmas lunch or dinner isn’t such a treat as it used to be.”

Hungerford master butcher Christian Alba says: “In all the places I’ve worked, most of the Christmas meat customers buy is turkey. But I grew up on a turkey farm, so I have beef fore rib!”

Enter our competition for a Christmas In A Box foodie hamper – including a 6kg turkey!

GINspiration

Round & About

Guildford

Gin is enjoying a resurgence in popularity, with a wealth of interesting spirits produced right here on our doorstep. We chat to some of the enthusiastic local producers and offer up our favourite tipples!

History of gin

Gin may be one of the most popular liquors in the country, yet the colourless spirit has had to contend with a chequered history since it first landed on these shores more than 300 years ago.

Originally gin was sold as a medicine, distilled and supposedly capable of aiding kidney ailments, gallstones and gout after Dutch physician Franciscus Sylvius created genever. Brits were first introduced to it when the English soldiers assisted the Dutch against the Spanish in Antwerp during the late 16th century during the Eighty Years’ War.

The armies were known to drink genever before heading into battle, and it’s thought to be the origin of the phrase “Dutch courage”. William of Orange then arrived here to rule in 1688 and promptly relaxed laws on making spirits. Gin, which starts with a base of juniper berries, gained in popularity – among all classes – with the upper classes drinking genever and the working classes making do with a new, cheaper “imitation” gin, substituting the costly ingredients with such things as turpentine and sulphuric acid.

Subsequently, gin’s reputation took a turn for the worse. In London alone, more than 7,000 “dram shops” sprang up with an estimated 10 million gallons being distilled annually by barbers, grocers and market stall holders. Gin became increasingly cheap to produce, easily accessible, little duty was paid on it and some workers were even given it as part of their wages. The 1736 Gin Act forced anyone wishing to sell distilled spirits to take out a licence costing £50.

Only three such licences were taken, but gin’s popularity did not wane as “mother’s ruin” remained hugely popular, before a second act was passed in 1751, which raised duty, and prohibited distillers, grocers, chandlers, jails and workhouses from selling the liquor.

Thankfully this was the low point for gin and the spirit has rebuilt its once-tarnished reputation to become the UK’s most popular alcoholic drinks. Gin’s popularity has been helped by upmarket gin bars, ever-growing gin festivals and distilleries offering delicious varied botanical flavours.

Distillers of Surrey

One such distillery is Ripley-based Distillers of Surrey, producers of bespoke spirits. Head distiller Simon Sherlock says: “I was inspired by the gin renaissance and really loved the creativity of distilling spirits. I’ve always dreamt of opening my own distillery and releasing truly small batch, hand-crafted spirits. Distillers Of Surrey is focused on providing distinctively different spirits of unparalleled quality. We are unhindered by the trappings of large-scale production, focusing entirely on quality and ethics.”

The Gin Kitchen

After hearing a radio show about the gin revival in 2016, friends Helen and Kate decided to set up a distillery, buying a beautiful Portuguese copper alembic still “using the money we would usually have spent on gin”. , set in a gorgeous 170-year-old barn in Dorking’s Punchbowl Lane, creates batches of superb gin, including the winter-spiced Gutsy Monkey infused with ginger, thyme, Jamaican allspice, coriander seed, black pepper and cumin. Visitors are welcome and there are experience packages on offer.

Elstead Village Distillers

Elstead Village Distillers, based at the 500-year old Thundry Farm in the Surrey Hills, was formed by Paul Shubrook and Neil Redit who decided to embark on their current journey at a gin-making event in London. What they produced was enjoyed by their friends and formed the basis of their first products – Original Gin and Sanctuary Gin – and eventually led to their flagship Thundry Hills Gin – The Spirit of the Hills.

Bombay Sapphire

Bombay Sapphire is one of the most popular gins on the market and its fascinating history can be seen first-hand at its heritage workshop and working distillery at Laverstoke Mill in Whitchurch. Charting more than 1,000 years of the mill, the heritage host tour showcases the history of this prestigious site with a range of artefacts, photos and historic documents. Bombay Sapphire has restored the beautiful Georgian and Victorian buildings to their former glory, and the Self-Discovery Experience allows visitors to take their time to explore the distillery and, of course, enjoy a free cocktail in the Mill Bar alongside the beautiful River Test.

Young minds

Liz Nicholls

Guildford

Kevin Leivers of Guildford’s Naked Pharmacy explains how we can help boost children’s mental health

September summons our youngsters back to school, college and university. This may mean the start of somewhere new which is stressful for both students and parents alike.

Increased screen time, pressure to succeed and the inability to switch off can tip the nervous system into permanent “sympathetic nervous system” mode. This is the “fight or flight” mode the body originally evolved as a mechanism to protect us from imminent danger. The anxiety response in the brain causes a cascade of hormones with wide-ranging effects such as shortness of breath, a racing heart, paling or flushing of the face, sweaty hands… The list goes on and, if left unchecked, may lead to more regular and extreme symptoms.

Youngsters who suffer from anxiety may feel abnormal and isolated. Depression is a deeply personal issue and masks itself in many varied symptoms. Research by the World Health Organisation (WHO) has shown that perhaps the most effective treatment is personal empowerment of the sufferer’s own treatment. This means that they can learn to recognise and manage their symptoms, assisted by their parents.

Finding the tools that work for the individual is key to success. A regular exercise routine is both physically and mentally beneficial for health, especially within a group or team which will help reduce isolation. Regular sleep and a bedtime routine is very important, so turn off all blue light-emitting devices, avoid late food or drink (give at least two hours to digest) and avoid caffeine and sugary drinks after 1pm. Encourage children to express themselves by drawing or writing; it’s such a beautiful tool as an outlet to release thoughts.

Correct breathing is also vital – learn how to retrain the breath. The hormonal cascade during an anxiety response causes us to shallow breathe and suck in more air than we breath out, making the panic worse. A great technique is “The Big Breath”. Tony Ulatowski has used this with more than 400 students in west London, from pre-schoolers to secondary students, for the last year and has received overwhelmingly positive feedback from parents, teachers and pupils. Tony says: “One of the preschool teachers shared her story of a four-year-old girl with anger issues who has now learnt to take herself away, regulate her emotions, and just two or three of the big breaths help her feel better about taking control of her emotions.”

A healthy balanced diet including “live” foods, vegetables and fruits can be hugely helpful. Amazingly 90% of serotonin is produced in the gut. A study from Victoria, New Zealand in 2017 found patients with moderate to severe depression had a statistically significant improvement in symptoms on a modified Mediterranean diet. Dr Chatterjee, star of the BBC’s Doctor in the House, shows diet can make a difference. However, when was the last time your doctor asked you about food when you were worried about feeling depressed?

There are also some natural supplements which are safe, effective, non-addictive and adaptogenic, and that provide an evidence-based approach for mood imbalance and anxiety in children and teenagers. One of the most widely tested is the ancient spice saffron. Saffron targets the gut as well as the brain.

Dr Paul Clayton, Fellow at The Institute of Food, Brain and Behaviour, believes saffron should be considered in place of current therapies, which he believes are outdated and on off-target. He says: “By targeting core aspects of mood and anxiety, saffron works far more rapidly than the pharmaceuticals, which are shooting at the wrong target. In short, saffron restores normal nerve function in key areas of the brain. If you have chronic inflammation, the “brakes” are put on a few key processes. Saffron takes the brakes off. Moreover, it acts very fast (hours, not weeks or months), has no withdrawal symptoms, no side effects, and is safe to use with children.”

Visit www.thenakedpharmacy.com or email [email protected] or call 01483 685630.

Did you know?

1 In the UK 16 million people experience mental illness.
2 Three out of four mental illnesses start before the age of 18.
3 10% of school children have a diagnosable mental illness.
4 Three out of four young people with mental illness are not receiving treatment.
5 The average wait for effective treatment is 10 years.
6 Suicide is still the biggest killer of young people in the UK.
7 People with severe mental illness die 10-20 years earlier than the general population.