Surviving Christmas when you’ve lost someone

Liz Nicholls

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Community & Charity

Liz Nicholls

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Grief can feel especially acute at this time of year. Celebrant and founder of Abingdon Compassionate Café Fiona Mac shares her tips to help you be kind to yourself

As Oxfordshire author Clare Mackintosh shares in her best-selling novel I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This, “Grief is universal. Our experiences of death are different, so, too, are the emotions that follow. Your grief is as unique as you are – as unique as your relationship was, with the person you’ve lost. We all grieve in our own way.”

This is no more apparent than during the festive season. Experience has taught me that everyone’s grief is unique, there is no right way or wrong way to feel. It can be a daily challenge, so when the festive season comes along, emotions can run high and we can experience different and difficult feelings, feelings out of sync with everyone else.

In Clare’s book she also writes: “Some people draw comfort from turning anniversary days into something positive. I don’t think this can be forced, and you shouldn’t put pressure on to celebrate someone’s life when you are still struggling with their death, but you might be able to think of small ways to bring colour to these difficult days.”

Here are some thoughts and ideas that may help this upcoming festive season:

It’s OK not to be feeling OK, it is important to prioritise your needs, both emotionally, practically and physically.

I want to be alone: and that’s OK too. Just make sure you try and make time and plan for regular meals and movement (some much-needed self-care). Last Christmas after losing her parent, one friend treated herself to her favourite meal (she had cooked the week before), got up early and walked with the dog for three hours, returned home, got into her PJs, had her meal and got cosy for the rest of the day. Indulge in a bit of self-love.

Being in nature: A walk in the fresh air can do wonders.

Plan a comfortable Christmas: Rather than do what you and others think you should be doing, make sure you plan what you want to do. You can still embrace some traditions if that feels right, step away from them for this year, or create your own.

A time for heightened emotions, so avoid overdoing it: All emotions use up valuable energy, so try not to ‘overdo’ things and get over tired.

Take a social media/TV break: If you’re finding things difficult, take a break from TV, social media, or Christmas films.

If you are with family or friends: Talk about your loved one often, think of a way of talking about them, lighting a candle at mealtimes, making a toast to them, watching old videos, or preparing a photo book to look through photos together after the festive lunch or dinner.

Spend the day volunteering – many charities are calling out for help over the festive season, and it can fill the day and leave you with a sense of wellbeing.

Ditch the turkey – one friend shared their first Christmas without her Dad. They ate his favourite meal instead! La Loop (soup of the day) and spaghetti on your knees (Spaghetti Bolognaise) finished off with roly poly and custard!! They shared stories, laughed, cried and said how much he would have loved it! Followed by of course a toast… with Scotch Whisky.

Personally, we light a candle Christmas Eve and light it every meal we share together over the festive season and think of our loved ones. Inspired by these words from Howard Thurman: “I will light a candle this Christmas, Candles of joy despite the sadness:

Candles of hope, where despair keeps watch, Candles of courage for fears ever present: 

Candles of peace for tempest-tossed days; candles of grace to ease heavy burdens, 

Candles of love to inspire all my living, Candles that will burn all year long.” 

And lastly, reach out for support: You can call Samaritans for free, call 116123, Shout text “SHOUT” to 85258  or “YM” if you are under 19. Child Bereavement UK (up to 25 years) call 0800 02 888 40. 

Join us at the Abingdon Compassionate Café, 10am to 12 noon on 20th December at St Ethelwold’s House and leave a memory label for your loved one on our Christmas Memory Tree.  

For more details please email [email protected] or visit Partners | Fiona Mac Celebrant

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World’s Toughest Row across the Atlantic

Karen Neville

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Karen Neville

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Friends Karl and Ed from Ascot are preparing to set off for the Canary Islands, but their trip will be no holiday as the pair get set to row 3,000 miles across the Atlantic

Spare a thought for Karl Austen and Ed Shaw as you tuck into your turkey and enjoy Christmas with family and friends, the intrepid duo will be crossing the Atlantic as part of the World’s Toughest Row.

The friends are embarking on the 3,000 mile challenge from La Gomera in the Canary Islands to English Harbour in Antigua, starting on December 12th with the aim of raising funds for Dementia UK and Prostate Cancer UK, which have special meaning for the pair. Both have parents suffering from these awful diseases.

Their boat has now shipped to the start point and Karl and Ed, as team 2Stroke, will join her on November 30th. They have spent most of the summer travelling up and down to Portland for on water training while much of the last few weeks have been spent preparing and packing the boat – food, clothing and equipment – and going through extensive lists to make sure they have everything covered.

“As the race draws near it is all very ‘real’ now but we’re actually not nervous,” says Karl. “As we have spent over 250 hours on the boat training we feel well prepared. As they say, ‘Confidence is built through evidence’. We can’t wait to get out to La Gomera where we will have lots of briefings, safety meetings, kit inspections and then final packing of the boat. We will also take the boat out in the Atlantic waters for final safety checks post shipping before we set off.”

Both Karl and Ed will take turns on the oars, two hours on and two hours off, undertaking their two hour shifts for a minimum of 12 hours per day each, and never sleeping for more than two hours at a time. “Our only contact with the world will be via a satellite phone, as the race is completely unassisted and we will carry everything we need for up to two months at sea in our Rannoch R25 rowing vessel. From the dangers of 40ft waves and sea sickness, to Marlin strikes and salt sores, The World’s Toughest Row is the ultimate test of physical and mental endurance!

“The challenge will strip us of all the comforts of modern life and test every part of our mental and physical resilience; it is the ultimate test.”

They’ll be posting regular updates and wills end small video and voice notes via satellite to their ground crew. Follow their progress on Instagram @2stroke.team

For more of their story and to donate visit their website at 2stroke.team and at Fundraiser by Edward Shaw : 2 Stroke – Atlantic Challenge, 3000 miles unassisted row

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Sustainable Amersham volunteers are shining saviours

Liz Nicholls

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Community & Charity

Liz Nicholls

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Janey Wall tells us how Sustainable Amersham’s volunteers saved more items from landfill at the last café, which had a joyful animal theme!

Christmas was on some customers’ minds at the recent Amersham Repair Café. Among the first through the door was Sarah Osborne, with a decorative outdoor animated deer which, during the festive season, graces the front of her Amersham home, to the delight of passing schoolchildren.

The deer is a fawn, which used to ‘graze’, moving its head up and down, alongside its ‘grazing’ mother… Well, the fawn still lit up but refused to budge its head. Volunteer repairer Paul found the motor gears were seized up after years of winter weather. The issue was accessing the motor casing, which – being designed for outdoor use – was glued. Paul tried spraying WD40 where he could try to loosen any rust and lubricate seized parts but without success. Fellow repairer John, who, it seemed, had ‘reindeer experience’ was consulted. But the verdict was that a replacement motor was required, which Sarah said she would source, before returning to the Repair Café in January. Alas, Bambi will go hungry this Christmas.

Quite an animal theme developed at the latest Repair Café. One who came in with her owner, Judith, was Molly the ‘choodle’ or a cross between a chihuahua and a miniature poodle. The little dog herself did not require repair. Rather a solution was needed to help Molly travel comfortably in Judith’s rollator walker, when they’re on the move. The issue dogging Molly was the tendency of the compartment lid where she sits – which doubles up as a seat – to shut on her. A simple solution was found: a ribbon attaching the lid to the rollator frame, which can easily be untied.

Another creature needing attention was a ceramic and brass owl with a broken left leg. The bird had long kept watch over Sylvia Lawson’s kitchen from a perch on a shelf, after she picked it up in Mexico decades ago. The owl is a beautiful example of hand-painted Tonala Mexican folk art. Wise owl repairer Judi not only had the leg splinted and glued within minutes, but also gave it a polish. Sylvia’s verdict: “He’s looking a million times better.”

The Sustainable Amersham Repair Café can be a hoot, attracting many repeat customers. It’s free, with a free cuppa and cake while you wait (two items per person). The latest café also featured a popular cable drop; these are full of copper which can be recycled and reused. 22 items were fixed and saved.

The next Amersham Repair Cafe is 10am-1pm on 4th January at St Michael’s in Sycamore Road.

Please visit Home – Sustainable Amersham

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Debbie Shrimpton Illustrates: scene-stealing gifts!

Liz Nicholls

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Community & Charity

Liz Nicholls

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Local creative & cover artist Debbie Shrimpton created her first illustration during lockdown. Today, her joyful portraits make heartfelt gifts

For 20 years mother-of-two Debbie Shrimpton worked as a childrenswear fashion designer. After more than a decade with M&S, she’d gone freelance and was comfortably set in her career, working with retailers all over the world. But then the coronavirus hit… “All retailers stopped using freelance designers due to excess stock and an enforced change to their in-house systems,” she recalls.

“During lockdown I was home schooling my children Poppy and Rosie with the added pressure of having no income for us.

“I had to find a way to diversify and generate an income fast. My friend’s birthday was approaching and as I couldn’t choose a gift in a shop I decided to draw her home, pop it in a frame I already had and give her a present saying: ‘Sorry this is the best I could come up with’. My friend was so delighted with her house portrait that she encouraged me to advertise on the local Facebook groups offering house portraits.”

That first Facebook advert in 2020 revealed a market. “Within two weeks I had received 18 orders for house portraits for people I didn’t know,” says Debbie. “This gave me confidence that I had created something people (other than my friends!) wanted to buy.”

Because house portraits were only saleable to one customer, Debbie decided to build a portfolio of Loved Local Landmark illustrations starting with all her favourites. She has an ongoing series of High Street illustrations of beloved market towns, including Amersham, Chesham, Wendover and Great Missenden. “One of my favourite places to illustrate has been the Sunflower Fields near Wigginton,” says Debbie. “This was inspired by visits to the PYO sunflower fields with my children: it’s such a mesmerising, happy sight and I believe I’ve captured this happiness in my illustration. It’s proved to be one of my best-selling illustrations along with the stunning bluebell woods, another of my favourite local scenes.”  

Her illustrations can take anything from four hours to several days – and Debbie now has quite a collection. “I have now drawn more than 400 houses, 200 cars and campervans, more than 75 wedding venues, 100+ business premises, 14 aeroplanes, many pubs and 35 Loved Local Landmarks,” she smiles.  

“I’ve done many unusual bespoke commissions for customers including a scaffold yard as a memento before demolition, a wild swimming pond, a treasured beach hut, a football ground, a memorable cricket match, an aeroplane flying over a donkey, and even a spot where a customer proposed to capture that memory.  

“I’ve been asked to do draw people but have declined as how people look is much more subjective… Buildings, vehicles and landscapes are more straightforward! I sometimes include silhouettes of people with their dogs walking in their favourite locations or pets outside homes but don’t like to draw detailed portraits of faces.”  

Thus far about 70% of Debbie’s commissions have been in Buckinghamshire and Hertfordshire but she continues to grow her portfolio. “This year I bought a Debbie Shrimpton Illustrates branded gazebo and I’ve done numerous markets and shows, including the St Francis Hospice Classic Car Show, Hyde Heath village fete & car show, Ashridge House Garden Party, Redbourn Classic Car Show, Lucky Duck Makers Market, Peterley Manor Farm Christmas market and Chiltern Made, to name just a few.” 

The latest string to Debbie’s bow has been hosting illustration workshops in primary schools as a visiting local artist. She has inspired children with her story of resilience and adapting to change and taught step-by-step classes to draw landmarks, encouraging confidence in creativity and giving an example of a career created out of something she loves. 

“The positive response I’ve had has been overwhelming. The support from my local community, especially to promote me and commission me has been incredible. But the biggest surprise has been how grateful and complimentary my customers have been. After so many years working in the fast- paced world of fashion, I’m used to working under pressure, to tight deadlines churning out designs without seeing the joy on the customer’s face when they purchase. Meeting my customers has been fantastically rewarding and motivating. The feedback I get is heart-warming. Some of my illustrations have even brought tears to the recipient’s eyes.” 

Visit Custom Illustrations – Debbie Shrimpton Illustrates 

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Always in our hearts

Karen Neville

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Community & Charity

Karen Neville

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Woking & Sam Beare Hospice’s new appeal wants to ensure everyone receives the best possible care and support when it matters most

Christmas is the time for giving, caring and sharing so how about supporting local charity, Woking & Sam Beare Hospice and their Always In Our Hearts Appeal to raise £500,000 by the end of March 2025.  

Kerry Gibb tells us more: “There has been a lot in the press and media recently about the financial struggle faced by Hospices across the country. Whilst we do receive some very much appreciated funding from the NHS, we have to self-generate two-thirds of our income from fundraising and the sale of goods in our charity shops. As a charity, we need the support of our local community to keep our services running.  

“We are working closely with our healthcare and NHS partners across North West Surrey to ensure the best possible palliative and end of life care for the people of North West Surrey. All of our services are free to those who need them, but demand is growing. Not only are we seeing an increasingly ageing population, we are also seeing a lot of younger patients.” 

One such patient was Nicky Newman who became well known as a public figure, raising awareness for breast cancer. Her husband, Alex, is continuing her legacy by supporting us with our appeal so that other families can continue to receive the amazing care that we were able to give to him and Nicky.  

Alex says: “All of the care we received was free of charge. To give other families memories like we have in their closing days in this world really is a gift that donations help to provide. You cannot put a value on the impact of having such precious memories, even at the very end. Memories I will cherish forever.” 

The appeal was launched in September in Woking town centre with a flash mob choreographed by Emma at First Dance Studios. Dancers, Hospice staff, and volunteers showed just what an amazing, positive place the Hospice is as they danced in the torrential rain, embracing the elements.  

Kerry adds: “We have a new head of ‘fun-raising’ at the Hospice to support the appeal. Sam Bear will be helping to raise awareness by making guest appearances at the Hospice and out in the community so keep an eye out for him! 

“Our Hospice is such a vital part of our community, and together we can continue to see it thrive.” 

For more information about the appeal please visit: Always In Our Hearts Appeal – Woking & Sam Beare Hospices

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Sensory delights at West Horsley Place

Karen Neville

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Community & Charity

Karen Neville

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West Horsley Place is sharing the benefits and beauty of the estate with everyone in the community with the opening of a new sensory garden

The peaceful and beautiful sensory garden at West Horsley Place has been designed to be as accessible as possible to all.

In creating the garden, a group of blind and partially-blind people and members of their access panel who face a variety of different access barriers, were consulted.

The design included raised beds to bring plants closer to people, colours that help create contrast and ‘banks of smells’, as well as benches and places for sitting and reflecting.

The West Horsley Place team, which includes a dedicated group of gardening volunteers, worked for six months to transform the neglected patch of ground into a charming space. Plants were transported and propagated from the existing collection and materials were all recycled from the wider estate.   

Over the last few years, West Horsley Place, the ancient Manor House where the BBC series Ghosts was filmed, has started opening to the public with an exciting programme of tours, workshops and performances. In Oct ober 2022, they announced a two-year project funded by the National Heritage Lottery called Heritage Without Barriers. This project has helped them to fulfil their aim to improve people’s wellbeing with access to culture, heritage and nature.  

The sensory garden, which was opened by the Mayor of Guildford, Cllr Sallie Barker, pictured, is part of that project. It has also been supported by Surrey Gardens Trust, West Horsley Parish Council, East Horsley Parish Council, the Stevenson Family Trust, the Banister Charity Trust, the Horsley Community Fund and other charitable donors.  

The Trust’s Director, Ilona Harris said: “We would like to thank the National Heritage Lottery Fund and our generous supporters for making this project possible. We are proud custodians of a 400-acre estate that is free for people to enjoy. It is wonderful to now have a space which is accessible and brings the benefits and beauty of that estate to everyone in our community. We hope you will come and enjoy it soon.”   

West Horsley Place is a Grade I listed medieval manor house and estate, the house dates from 1425, though there has been a building on site since Saxon times. Recent work to conserve and maintain the house has made the principal rooms safe and comfortable for public access, but the house remains on Historic England’s Heritage at Risk Register.   

The West Horsley Place Trust aims to bring the house, gardens, 400-acre estate and eight Grade II listed outbuildings back into good repair and to improve people’s wellbeing through culture, heritage & nature. 

Find out more at West Horsley Place Trust

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Help change lives with Home-Start

Karen Neville

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Community & Charity

Karen Neville

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Nicola Winter invites you to be the change that lasts a lifetime with Home-Start Butser

Home-Start Butser, a local family support charity, was set up over 25 years ago and has been supporting thousands of families with young children in Petersfield and the southern areas of East Hampshire.   

Volunteers with parenting experience are recruited and trained, then matched with families, with at least one child under five, going through challenging times.   

Volunteering will look different depending on the family being supported but every family will typically receive 2-3 hours of support each week where their volunteer goes into the home and does something that the family need or want. That might be playing with the children to allow the parent to get a job done or have a shower. It could be that the parent needs someone to speak to, someone who can listen without judgement or bias. Or they may have a disability and that extra pair of hands is a lifeline. Sometimes our volunteers help families to get out and meet other parents or they act as an advocate for the parent in a tricky situation, accompanying them to appointments and accessing other support services.  

Alongside our home-visiting support, we also run a number of groups, offering families a safe space to chat, play and make new friends and many of our volunteers choose to be involved this way instead. 

In such challenging times, with statutory resources stretched and the ongoing cost of living crisis, Home-Start Butser and the wonderful volunteers are always there, never wavering in their support. Thousands and thousands of hours have been given by volunteers since we started in 1998.  The impact is considerable, many describing their volunteers as: 

‘Amazingly kind and caring’ 

‘I honestly don’t know whether I would have survived without my volunteer.‘ 

‘She is our God send, we love her!’  

‘You have helped my family so much’ 

‘I love love love her, I don’t want her to leave until they are at uni’ 

‘The best practical and emotional support I ever had, apart from my mum’ 

Many more families locally need our help, and we always need to raise funds to continue our vital work. 

We are very excited to be part of the Big Give Christmas Challenge which means for one week, December 3rd to 10th, every penny donated will be doubled.   

To find out more about us; to become a volunteer, to get help for your family, or to make a donation please visit Home-Start Butser | the leading local family support charity

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How To Date A Feminist show

Liz Nicholls

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Community & Charity

Liz Nicholls

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In a brand new university production, Very Broken Leg invite you to How to Date a Feminist at the Burton Taylor Studio, 26th-30th November

How to Date a Feminist, written by Samantha Ellis, will open on 26th November at the Burton Taylor Studio and close on 30th November.

It is produced and directed by Ivy Stephens and Robyn Patterson, whose production company, Very Broken Leg, has been created under the umbrella of Oxford University Dramatic Society.

Ivy says of the plot: “He’s a feminist, she loves lipstick and Heathcliff. Featuring two proposals, two weddings, an elopement, and an array of unforgettable characters played by two astounding actors, you will find yourself laughing your socks off one second and wanting to scream and cry at them the next.”

The play consists of two actors, each playing three characters. Esther O’Neill will be playing the roles of Steve, Ross and Joe, whilst Bella Bradshaw will play the roles of Kate, Carina and Morag. Hope Hamilton will cover the roles of Kate, Carina and Morag on Thursday, 28th November. The lighting is designed by Leon Moorhouse, sound by Izzy Adjei, costumes by Cerys Bennison, and music written by Olivia Hall. 

This is a show unlike Oxford has ever seen before, with the set consisting solely of a costume box, a three-act, no-interval structure, and an all-female-presenting cast. Prepare to be amazed by the incredible talent shown by each cast member and each department in our company as we take less than ninety minutes to blow your socks away! 

Bella Bradshaw says, “It’s such a unique show that manages to border on hilarious and serious at the same time. I’m so excited and thrilled to be a part of it and present all our work to [our audiences]!”. Co-producer and co-director Ivy Stephens feels that audiences will be “blown away by all of the innovative little tricks we have managed to squeeze into this show, and shocked at the incredible talent of our cast!”. 

Tickets are available now at How to Date a Feminist | Oxford Playhouse

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Greatest Showman sing-along fundraiser at UPP

Liz Nicholls

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Community & Charity

Liz Nicholls

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The Ultimate Picture Palace and Yellow Submarine invite the community to a spectacular family-friendly event, a Greatest Showman sing-along fundraiser at 3pm on Saturday, 23rd November

This exciting event will bring together fans of the hit movie The Greatest Showman for an afternoon of music, fun, and support for a fantastic local charity Yellow Submarine.

Guests will have the opportunity to sing along to all the iconic songs from The Greatest Showman, with on-screen lyrics guiding everyone through hits such as This is Me, Rewrite the Stars and The Greatest Show. This is a relaxed screening where everyone is welcome.

Proceeds from the event will go to Yellow Submarine, a local charity dedicated to supporting young people with learning disabilities by providing opportunities for personal development, social inclusion, and community engagement.

“Yellow Submarine’s mission is to empower young people with learning disabilities and give them the chance to fully participate in their community,” says Ella, community fundraiser for Yellow Submarine. “The themes of inclusivity, acceptance, embracing diversity and empowerment in the Greatest Showman really speak to our values at Yellow Submarine. We are grateful to the support of the Ultimate Picture Palace for helping us with this exciting sing-along event.” 

This family-friendly event is the perfect outing for all ages, offering something for everyone to enjoy. Whether you’re a fan of The Greatest Showman or simply looking for a fun, interactive experience, this sing-along is designed to bring people together in a lively and inclusive atmosphere. 

The Ultimate Picture Palace is Oxford’s independent cinema, offering a range of films, events, and community activities in a welcoming and intimate setting. With a commitment to supporting local causes and creating unique experiences, the cinema is a hub for cultural and community engagement in Oxford. 

Yellow Submarine believes people with learning disabilities and autism deserve to live life to the full. The charity provides a range of social, educational, and developmental activities. Their programmes focus on inclusion, empowerment, and fostering connections within the community. 

Buy your tickets at uppcinema.com/show/yellow-submarine-presents-the-greatest-showman-sing-a-long-fundraiser/  

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Indians in Didcot’s dazzling Diwali highlight

Liz Nicholls

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Community & Charity

Liz Nicholls

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The community group, Indians in Didcot (fondly known as IID), celebrated their 10th anniversary with a Diwali Dinner and Dance event

The event, which took place with great pomp and splendour at Didcot Civic Hall at the weekend, was also graced by the presence of the Deputy Lieutenant for Oxfordshire, Elizabeth Paris.

Mrs Paris who represented the Monarchy, His Majesty the King said: “I offer my sincere thanks to founders of the community – Dr Sneha Anand and Mr Nitish Anand – and to all of IID, for the warmth and kindness for their welcome at the Diwali Celebration. It was such a joyous occasion, so full of light and inspiration, and I was touched to see so many families, across three generations, coming together in celebration.

“Creating such a strong community and sustainability it for ten years, despite Covid, is a huge achievement and I could tell from the decorations, to the performance, to the superb logistics, just how much effort is given by volunteers. The highlight for me was the performances by the children – such energy and courage!”.

With about 180 attendees, the event was a testament to the strong bonds and vibrant spirit that define the IID community. As IID continues to flourish as not for profit, it remains dedicated to promoting cultural awareness, community engagement, and the celebration of Indian heritage in Didcot and Oxfordshire. The atmosphere was further elevated by the rendition of the national anthems of both the UK and India.

The event was masterfully hosted by Sneha and Nitish along with the organising committee – Amit Sultaniya, Bhavana Ananda, Cinil Mukundan, Elizabeth Abraham, Gayatri Panchbhai, Nipa Gandhi, Vaibhav Solanki, Venky Rao, Vikram Bhagwani, and Vinayak Upadhyay.

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