Celebrant Fiona Mac advises how to work through grief ahead of the next Abingdon Compassionate Café on 20th June
Balancing the sometimes-overwhelming feeling of grief with our own personal wellbeing can be a challenge. Acknowledging and allowing for the grieving process, along with prioritising your own self-care whilst seeking support if required, can be complex.
Here are some tips I have picked up over the years of working with families living with grief, and what they have shared with me that may help. Recognising that you grieve in response to a loss.
“Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with it. One family member said: “Grief is a fickle thing, it hits you in a way you aren’t prepared for. “I have always been a confident person, so the shift in my mental health took me by complete surprise” ” (quote from MIND)
Acknowledge your feelings:
It can help to recognise and name the emotions you’re experiencing, whether it’s sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. Some other words people have used to name their feelings, numb, stuck, confused, deeply sad, relief (at your loved one no longer in pain or suffering, closely followed by guilt), at a loss, feeling withdrawn.
Name them and then acknowledge them. Allow them to be what they need to be.
If it helps, take time out to acknowledge and maybe celebrate your loved one’s special days like birthdays, wedding anniversaries. Use these times to look back at photos that remind you of them and talk about them with your family and friends.
We all need a hand sometimes:
Talk to trusted friends, family members, charity helplines or a therapist about your grief and how it is affecting everyday life.
Sometimes being alongside others who are experiencing similar losses can provide comfort and support, so look out for local support groups.
“Grief is not a race.”
How you feel in yourself, your physical wellbeing:
Grief can disrupt your regular sleep patterns, so take time to think about creating a beneficial sleep routine. Come off social media a good two hours before going to bed. Maybe read, have a bubble bath, dim the lights and listen to calming music. Or try a sleep story to help fall asleep.
Grief can also affect your appetite in many ways. Of course, treats are still OK.
On the other hand, it’s really important to nourish your body with regular meals of nutritious fresh foods.
A daily dose of fresh air can improve how you’re feeling, in all weathers. If you can build in some regular daily physical activity, it can help manage any stress and improve moods.
Gardening, joining a green gym (local groups that provide gardening opportunities in small groups), and tending a local garden for a neighbour or local hospice or care home.
Think of joining in on a regular, organised local walk, jog or run. Dancing, swimming, cycling or other activities that get you moving. Perhaps take up a hobby that you used to enjoy, or look for activities that bring you joy.
Importantly, be gentle with yourself.
Grief is not a race and there is no one-size-fits-all all. Energy levels will go up and down, so pace yourself and be careful of not being driven to do things you feel you should do! Take the time pressure off everything and stick to doing “must-dos”.
Lastly, remember, you are not alone. Listed below are some organisations that can offer support, space to chat and specific bereavement support.
Useful Links:
MIND Website > Bereavement
Maggies > Friends and family
Care for the Family > Bereavement support
Sobell House > Companion support
Good Grief > For young people
About Fiona
Fiona Mac is an award-winning professional civil celebrant, based in Abingdon. She’s a Listening Samaritan for 30+ years and the founder of the Abingdon Compassionate Café. They meet regularly, offering cake, kindness and compassion in the beautiful surroundings of St Ethelwolds House in Abingdon.
Abingdon Compassionate Café
The Abingdon Compassionate Café will be held on 20th June 2025. Then running monthly on the 1st Saturday of each month. Between 10am – 12pm and then 2pm – 4pm from Saturday 6th September 2025. Visit Fiona’s website to keep updated.
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